Successful parenting of children is a qualitative upbringing of the human being in each one of them.. to be purposeful and effective in his present and future, and in his roles and interventions in people’s civil gatherings. This successful parenting is not limited to teaching children knowledge, habits, skills and values of daily life, but extends to disciplining them by forming their abilities and tendencies to behave and behave well at the appropriate time and place.
In order for the father and mother to achieve these humanitarian goals, they are expected to have many psychological, behavioral and practical personal specifications.. so that all of this ultimately leads to what we call here successful parenting of children and then successful children in their present and future.
Successful parenting is a concept, a message and a behavior in reality, and is never a theory or terms written on paper. Its concept is education, its message is human development, and its behavior is to exert the utmost awareness, tendencies and positive effort around the clock for the success of children in the present and future.
The father and mother cannot fulfill these great responsibilities unless they possess and work simultaneously for behavioral frameworks of values, tendencies and actions… that guide the performance of the responsibilities expected of them with successful parenting in this scientific family work. We summarize the specifications of this behavioral framework in the following list:
1- A positive value system. The father and mother are expected to initially possess a shared value system that they believe in and automatically work by in dealing with their children and in managing daily family affairs. The most important elements of this system are: religious values, social and cultural values, cognitive values, economic values, health values, and administrative values.
In order for the value system adopted by the parents to be effective and useful in their performance of successful parental responsibilities, it must:
• Be non-contradictory in its concepts, philosophy and practices within the family, and then with the outside in the neighborhood, school, work and peer groups. The more this value system is self-consistent with itself and then with its real counterparts outside, the more effective and useful it will be in guiding and raising the children by the parents.
• Be brief, simple and understandable, not detailed or complex and ambiguous.. and allow for flexibility and constructive diligence in its uses.
2- Trust in the family identity or family tree. Every family came through the family tree, from parental origins that have been sequenced throughout long or short history from fathers and grandfathers. Parents are expected to know first where they came from and then secondly introduce the children to these family roots so that they feel the solidity of their identity and authenticity and give them pride, confidence and security in their human ethnic affiliation.
3- Piety. Piety is virtue and the essence of good morals in secret and in public.. Parents who enjoy piety automatically possess: a soul, awareness, inclinations and good behavior.. not in the family, dealing and raising children, but in daily life interventions outside the family environment.
4- Unconditional affection and love for children. Giving children affection, love and care continuously and without preconditions, even when they make mistakes, is a basic condition for successful parenting here. Accordingly, we always urge the family to separate between its innate duties of loving and being affectionate towards the children and its educational and behavioral duties of correcting, modifying or disciplining their interventions when they are negligent or make mistakes. The sentence that a father or mother says to a son or daughter: I love you and care for your needs and desires without limits, but I am not satisfied with you for the behavior (such and such) that you did?! embodies the philosophy and essence of the principle that we call for: separating the parents’ love for their children from the process of correcting their behavioral mistakes.
5- Honesty and truthfulness. It is the opposite of maneuvering, lying, deception, and behavioral and moral change according to circumstances and conditions. Since these behavioral deviations are not genetic in themselves, but rather children learn them from the family and the family environment, it becomes logical and necessary for the father and mother to have these virtuous qualities in their parenting of their children.. so that they can develop honest and truthful personalities based on philosophical, moral, and behavioral principles in their family life, and in study, work, and social situations with people.
6- Regular, continuous interaction with children through talking, understanding, and understanding their opinions and needs. Without this continuous, purposeful interaction, the father and mother cannot know the situation in which the children live, and respond to what this situation requires in terms of understanding and response to development, guidance, or correction.
7- Patience in raising children and dealing with their situations and mistakes. Without this rational deliberation and giving time and deliberation in responding, guiding, and judging, parenting becomes confused, intermittent, and ineffective.
8- Always respond to children without reactions. The response of the father and mother to the questions and needs of the children is conscious, purposeful, logical, realistic and often intelligent. As for reactions, they occur automatically without thinking, contemplation or any purpose, which does not lead to a useful and tangible result, but rather the opposite: more pain, need and psychological and psychosocial distance between the parents and the children. Hence, the father and mother are expected to always avoid reactions in dealing with and raising their children.
9- Role models for children. That the father and mother should be living models for the children in thinking, tendencies and behavior without contradiction and without forbidding something and doing the same later, is a basic principle for raising children and their successful parenting.
10- General sound nature in personality, speech, thinking, methods and habits of daily life. Not being affective and acting spontaneously and in good faith, without contradiction and duality of values, masks and positions.. are important procedural principles for successful parenting that they aspire to achieve with their children.
11- Practicality or behavioral flexibility. The father and mother are expected to talk to their children and ask them and raise them in a practical and possible manner.. They should not ask their children for what is far above or below their capabilities and needs.. They are also expected not to be “soft so as to squeeze nor harsh so as to break” .. and to keep the rope connected with the children: “If they tighten it, the father and mother loosen it, and if they loosen it, they tighten it”.
12- Warmth and kindness. The study indicates that children who are raised in a family environment of warm treatment, acceptance, care and concern for their needs and satisfaction.. and in generally gentle and polite ways, excel more in school and in performing their schoolwork. In addition, these human qualities work to bring family members closer psychologically to each other and to understand each other in safe and purposeful relationships.
13- Firmness. Firmness is necessary to focus on raising and dealing with children, and correcting their daily positions to achieve the goals of successful parenting, especially when the father and mother see that the interest requires more discipline and guidance for the children’s progress in developing their personalities for the future.
14- Positivity in thinking, tendencies, emotions, instructions and behavior in the family and dealing with children. Even when children make mistakes, the father and mother correct and guide, not to punish the children or take revenge on them and belittle them.. but for the purpose of their interest and personal development for the better.
15- Emotional-social intelligence. With this intelligence, the father and mother are able to sense the needs and tendencies of the children, get closer psychologically to them and motivate them appropriately, manage their emotions and feelings and sympathize with their situations in more purposeful and social ways.
16- Integration into family affairs. This integration gives the father and mother a sense of belonging to the family, children, life and family goals, and their preference over their immediate needs, then sacrifice for the children to succeed personally in the family, school, work, peer groups and different life situations.
17- Consensus in the goals and mechanisms of parenting children. The agreement of the father and mother and their setting of unified plans and mechanisms agreed upon by them, without conflict or tension or attraction during the upbringing of children and dealing with them, are all decisive principles for the success of their parenting and their resulting achievement of compatible and confident personalities.
18- Broad general culture The father and mother’s possession of a rich, integrated, diverse and broad culture in the various fields, mechanisms and needs of life, that is, their possession of something important from everything, gives them flexibility, knowledge and effectiveness in responding to the desires of the children, and what they expect from family duties towards them.
19- Raising children through play, work and exchanging opinions, without lectures, dictation, orders and prohibitions. Providing the family with opportunities for children to experiment, apply and play the experiences, situations and skills required of them to live them behaviorally in reality, and exchanging opinions with them and directly feeling the results produced by these educational responsibilities towards the children.. forms the basis for the successful parenting that we call for here.
20- The family’s integration into the school education of the children, through continuous coordination with teachers and other educational cadres and the father and mother performing their roles and duties at the appropriate time.