A child’s self-concept is formed from the impressions, comments, opinions, and interactions of those around them, including family and peers. It refers to a child’s positive or negative self-esteem, depending on the negative or positive impressions they have of themselves, their role, or their importance to their family and peers.
Self-concept is as important to the development of individual personality as personality is to the individual. Is there a living being without a personality? Without characteristics that distinguish them from others? We don’t think so. Then why is self-concept so important? Because:
* Those who see themselves as worthless and unimportant will likely experience trivial, confused, and worthless behavior.
* Those who see themselves as worthless and unimportant are unable to distinguish the value of other people and things.
* Those who see themselves as worthless and unimportant will see other things and responsibilities as unimportant or worthless. They will be lacking in determination and will abandon their immediate responsibilities at the first difficulty or other desire. In other words, they will be distracted, limited in ambition, and indifferent.
* Those who see themselves as worthless or unimportant often have poor academic or behavioral achievement due to the low value or unimportance of these achievements.
* Those who see themselves as worthless or unimportant tend toward isolation at times, hatred of others at other times, resistance to them at other times, or deviance or behavioral transgression at other times. All of this is done to overcome their own inferiority and to prove their worth or self-worth, even in unusual or abnormal ways.
* Those who see themselves as worthless or unimportant tend toward dependence on others, becoming dependent on them, and contenting themselves with a submissive, often worthless life, which they are grateful for without taking it from them as is normally supposed.
The individual (or society) who is strong in their own sense always takes what they want, without ever waiting for others or the surrounding communities to give them what they desire. What has weakened us, then, for other nations to toss us about, toy with our national destinies as they see fit, and fulfill our logical or legitimate demands according to their whims and ambitions… piecemeal? This, as we see, is due to our low self-esteem, both in our own eyes and in the eyes of others, which leads them to treat us in the same way! A marginal, indifferent treatment.
What should be done then? Get to know the nature of the child’s self-concept by asking them directly… or by observing what they say or do. Then work to correct or strengthen what is necessary to produce a strong, independent individual who is important to their family and community!
Ask them, for example, the following:
* What do you want to be?
* Who is better, you or so-and-so?
* State one characteristic you see in yourself.
* Can you do this? The teacher or parent gives the child a task to complete.
* Do you feel like an important child to your peers?
* Does the teacher like you? Why?
* Do your peers like you? When they play, do they invite you to join them?
* Why do you want to study at school? What do you want to become?
* Why don’t you want to go to school?
* Does your father (or mother and siblings) like you? Why?
After identifying the type of self-concept your child possesses, what can be done to improve or develop it for the better? You can, in fact, do anything you deem useful, but keep the following in mind:
1. Provide them with practical opportunities to test their abilities and prove themselves. Do not, for example, move them from complete failure to complete success, whether at home or at school, as this does not benefit their personality or self-concept; rather, it only increases their degradation and dependence on others.
2. Provide them with educational and practical opportunities of varying difficulty, starting with what they can and ending with what they cannot. This will help them become accustomed to confronting themselves and proving their abilities, thus enabling them to develop self-confidence.
3. Do not exaggerate or exaggerate their treatment of them, present them with experiences and things, or praise them for things they do not possess. They know, no matter how young they are, that this is false and unrealistic for them, leading to further bitterness, disappointment, and feelings of self-deficiency.
4- Treat him realistically and honestly, and do not be contradictory in this regard, because contradiction confuses him and robs him of the ability to focus and make the appropriate decision for his role in the environment he lives in or to which he aspires.
5- Do not stigmatize him with shame or negative language if he makes a mistake. Always remember that perfection belongs to God. A child, as a tender creature still in the process of development, may be right or wrong. Do not be harsh with him, hit him, or scold him, because this humiliates him and kills his spirit as a human being.
Always teach him (in indirect, practical terms whenever possible) about his mistakes and the consequences of these on himself, or on the people and things around him. Present him with real-life situations or examples, or occasionally experience what he did, or have him repeat the behavior so he feels more strongly about the work and the results.
Be patient and forbearing throughout this, because he is your child as a parent, and because he is the wealth of society and a direct extension of you all, your upbringing, and your efforts. If he grows up healthy and upright, you are, in fact, the healthy ones, because the child himself is a direct product of your biological and educational development, even if he is usually the one who chooses for himself what he wants. But did you know? He undoubtedly chooses, through you, the opportunities, qualities, values, and behaviors you favor in him (or in young people in general) and provide for him!
6- Accustom him to trusting himself and others. Accustom him to seeing others as he sees himself.
7- Gradually instill in him a sense of self-worth, not through empty words, but by praising his actions, behavior, and accomplishments. Don’t give him anything he doesn’t deserve, whether it’s a word, a title, material goods, or anything else. Always give him what he deserves and what is consistent with the nature of the situation or behavior he’s dealing with.
8- Love him and accustom him to the love of people, including family and peers, because the reward of love is always love. For example, it’s unreasonable to extend your hand to someone to greet you only for them to cut it off, insult you, or engage in some other negative behavior. Peace is always followed by peace, and good behavior always leads to good (even if some observations sometimes differ… the end is always for the better).
9- Involve him in your activities and decisions, and accustom him to responsibility. Integrate him into your life, and don’t keep him isolated and withdrawn, lest his self-esteem diminish and he become self-absorbed, something we never wish for our children or society.
10- Assign him appropriate leadership in situations or tasks within the family or school environment, in a manner that is naturally consistent with his abilities and personal desires. This will provide him with a sense of self-worth and his ability to accomplish something that his peers of his age, or a few years later, may not be able to.
11- Promote him cognitively or behaviorally in situations for which he is qualified. Remind him and invite him to participate or take on an appropriate responsibility, even if the situation is beyond his age or school level. This will enhance his self-esteem and develop his ambition and determination to become an important individual in the future.
12. Get close to him psychologically, befriend him, share his feelings, impressions, and hopes, and participate with him in planning and achieving them (indirect participation… from a distance). Discuss with him his successes and difficulties, their value to himself, and the role he played in bringing them about. Always develop in him a self-awareness of his own limits and the limits of those around him, thus directing his behavior and interactions for the better. He will succeed in his performance and be accepted by his surrounding environment, growing in himself and strengthening his self-concept.